How did I meet my Wife?

That's easy! I have know her since I was ten years old! Not so fast -- the story is a little more complicated than that. Let me start at the beginning. We moved to Bellflower when I was ten year s old -- almost 11. The whole family started attending the First Baptist Church after I was baptized. One of the girls that I met in my Sunday school class was Eleanor Carper who had two other sisters (but they were just little kids!) I did meet the little kids also because my mother made friends with Eleanor's mother, Zelma. Thus, I became acquainted with both Linda and Donna, although I certainly didn't notice them much at the time.

Eleanor became a close friend during high school. She was a year younger than I but we were in several classes together at school and we were both in the honor society. But, as with most of my friendships, it was the church that really kept the friendship alive. We were both leaders in the youth groups, both in Jr. High and Sr. High. We actually dated a couple of times -- but I think that we both knew that we were just good friends and that was good enough. Our friendship continued in our college years, even though she went to (ugh!) USC. I had to attend an opera for Music Appreciation class and Eleanor went with me. My vocal teacher wanted me to learn to pronounce French for my singing -- she was quite proficient in French -- but even with her tutoring -- I didn't get French! All during those years, I was aware of her little sisters, but awareness was all there was -- after all I was a mature college man! (I should probably also add that I was a proud UCLA man.)

Then I joined the Navy! I still considered myself a friend of Eleanor. I remember running into Eleanor in San Francisco in the Summer of 1961. We had dinner together -- but by then I had begun to notice that little Linda was growing up. It happened when I came home for Christmas leave from Naval Officer Candidate School. The week after Christmas, one of my friends, Richard Serafini, said that he and his girl friend were going to Big Bear for the day and maybe I would like to make it a double date. He also mentioned that he and his girl friend thought it would be nice if I went with Linda Carper. OK -- sounds alright with me. Wow was I surprised. She certainly had grown up! I really enjoined the day. I have to add that, as much as I enjoined being with her, I don't move fast. This was December, 1960 and we didn't get married until July, 1965. Commitment didn't come easy for me -- but something happened on that one day. I think I knew even then that she was the one.

To be Continued!

How did I end up in the Navy?

Isn't she beautiful! This is my first duty assignment in the Navy, the USS Ingersoll. I served aboard this ship (my first tour of duty) from April 1961 to April 1063. I made two cruises to Westpac and one to Panama (during the Cuban Missile Crisis). But, this doesn't answer the question. I need to go back a number of years to say how I ended up in the Navy -- in my story, running away from God and ending up in the Belly of the Whale.

As I have stated before, I knew that God had called me into the ministry while still in High School. Not only did God really want me in the ministry, my mother wanted me to go into the ministry. I wanted to be a medical doctor. Then there was my violin teacher who wanted me to be a violinist and my voice teacher who wanted me to be a singer. I really didn't want to be a pastor. But, why the Navy?

Even though I was always a reader, I never had a library card until me moved to Bellflower -- and stayed there. I was ten years old and I found the library so exciting. So many books! I could take them home with me! I liked novels that were filled with adventure. I quickly became interested in books about the sea. I liked reading about sailing ships, pirates, old sea battles and of course ships involved in WWII. I never really considered going to sea myself but loved the romance of the sea. 

When I was in high school I read The Caine Mutiny. I loved the book. I wrote a term paper on it while in high school and two papers for English classes when at UCLA. I didn't always get an A on my term papers -- but my passion about this book seemed to work. All three of these papers received an A grade. The book takes place on a Destroyer type vessel in WWII. I could imagine myself as an officer on the bridge of such a vessel. That is partly why I was so excited to receive orders to the Ingersoll. I re-read the book when I got to the ship. I do need to state, that I didn't take part in any mutiny -- but it was a dream realized.

So, even though I never considered the Navy while growing up, even though I was called into the ministry and even though I wanted to be a doctor, I ended up in the Navy. I will actually begin to answer the question  of how this happened in the next installment.

Back to the FBC of Bellflower -- School

I have written some good things about FBC Bellflower and some bad things. In spite of some failings, it was a good church. Belonging there was certainly a positive experience for me. I wrote several months ago that the church was the focus of my social life. I did have friends at school (once we settled down in Bellflower), but my closest friends were part of the church group even though some of them were also in school with me. 

My father left the family when I was in Jr. High. I began to "act out" in school and wanted to avoid church. I did go to Sunday School and Worship, because my mother took me. But, I had no desire to go to BYF, or Baptist Youth Fellowship. This group which was divided into Jr and Sr. High School groups, met on Guday Evening. If my mother wasn't around, I would just stay home. By this time we had a TV and there were a lot of old movies that I enjoyed. But, my mother kept insisting and I finally gave in. The other kids were nice to me, but I didn't really know them. I guess that one of my first friends was a girl named Eleanor Carper who was pretty, smart and very friendly. This had nothing to do with romance since that was the farthest thing from my mind in those days, at least at church. Of course, I did marry Eleanor's sister a few years later. 

I guess I should digress and discuss my horrible Jr. High School experiences. Even though I had traveled around and went to a lot of schools, I was a good student and had done well. Even when I started attending Washington Jr. High, I continued to be a good student. As I had mentioned in a previous posting, it was here that I found out that I could sing. I was also in the school orchestra and it was here that I found another friend, Richard Gaylor who like me had recently been abandoned by his father. We were very bad influences on each other. Most of our behavior was just silly, but my academics really began to suffer, but I did make it through the Seventh Grade -- barely!

Richard and I didn't see much of each other during the Summer, but when Eighth Grade started, our reputation preceded us. The first day of school, both of us were called into the Principal's office where we were told in no uncertain terms that he wasn't  going to put up with our silly behavior this year. Well, that settled it, Richard and I immediately re-established our friendship and began our normal disruptive behavior. Mr. Groeling, our home room teacher, worked very hard to help us. He did nice things for both of us, even on two occasions taking us on weekend trips with his family. I think that both of us did really love him. I still have such fond memories of him, but it didn't change our behavior. At one point, Richard and I broke into the classroom and went through his desk. We discovered a very thick file with nothing but little notes, "Today Richard and Richard did . . ." We thought it was funny. We were so unfeeling toward a wonderful teacher. 

In the meantime at church I made two other friends that would change my life; Wayne Hopson and Don Hamilton. Wayne was such a good friend. He and I talked about our future. He wasn't the student that I was, but he was more grounded in life than I was even though his dad had also abandoned him. He and I mutually helped one another to become more serious about our Christian faith. 

My friendship with Don was similar (in fact, all three of us were friends together), but there was more to my friendship with Don. I had mentioned earlier that I was involved with the Youth Temperance Council. Don's mother was active in this movement, so Don and I went to a number of retreats and camps sponsored by the YTC. Unfortunately, Don's mother had some rather serious mental/emotional problems. Because of this, Don ended up staying with my mother and I periodically. These stays were for extended periods of time. This continued  all of the way through High School. Because of this, Don was more like a brother at that time. Don was a good student. He and I both really hoped to go to college. I remember a talk we had shortly before beginning High School. We decided that this was the real thing, so if we wanted to go to a good college, we needed to settle down and get good grades. He and I both ended up in the top five of our graduating class. He graduated from UC Berkeley and I graduated from UCLA. Isn't it interesting that two Jr High School kids could make a decision one day -- and follow through. Don was a good friend. 

Who I See when I Think of the Ideal Pastor

I was baptized at First Baptist Church of Bellflower in the spring of 1948, shortly before my 11th birthday, by Rev. Ernest Hasselblad -- everyone just called him Ernie. He was a red-headed Swede. He was educated at Bethel College and Seminary in Minneapolis/St. Paul. I thought he was a pretty old man, but as I checked my Google today, I find that he was only in his mid forties. My, how perspective changes when a person gets a little older. Yes, Ernie was my ideal of a pastor and he helped to keep me out of that belly of a whale for my teen years. Why was he my ideal? Well, here is my perception of him.

There are two basic stories that contribute to my picture of pastor Hasselblad. First, was the state of my family. It was either late 1950 or early 1951 when my dad left home. It was a very traumatic action. My mother was devastated. For months, she really did nothing. Many times I would come home from school and find her laying on the floor and crying. I didn't know what to do. We didn't eat at home during these months, but went out to eat every evening. We did have the finances to do this at the time because my dad was providing for us. Even though I didn't understand what was happening, it was the ministry of Ernie and the rest of the church that began to bring healing into my mother's life. When my dad's financial generosity began to dry up, mom needed work. She tried working in retail, but this was rough on her -- then she was offered the job of pastor's secretary at the church. She made the princely sum of $40 per week. Not awful for the time, but not really enough even then. She really loved the Hasselblads. They were a very caring family. 

Now, back to Bellflower in the early 1950's. One other important person in the story of my admiration of Ernie Hasselblad must be introduced; Wayne Hopson. Wayne was one of my best friends. We met at the church., Our mothers were friends and both Wayne and I had fathers that deserted us. We didn't really know it but we really missed having fathers. This is where Ernie comes in. When things would happen to us (and they seemed to on a regular basis), we were always reluctant to call our mothers. We would always call Ernie and he always took care of us. I will never forget this. 

You are probably wondering what kind of thing I mean -- no we didn't need to get bailed out of jail, it was much simpler -- but just as intrusive to his life. Wayne and I didn't have our own cars, we had to drive our mother's cars. They were older and unreliable. They did break down occasionally (we also ran out of gas occasionally -- after all gas was 20 cents a gallon). When this would happen -- Ernie to the rescue. I also have to explain a little of the history of the LA area in those days. There were no storm drains. The streets were the storm drains. Major intersections were always completely flooded. The street on which I lived would be water from front porch across the street to our front porch -- you couldn't see the road, curbs or sidewalks. Driving was an adventure. When you went through a flooded intersection, you shifted into low gear, kept one foot on the clutch and raced the engine -- to keep it from stalling. Once you were through that intersection, you kept one foot on the brakes to dry them out before going through the next one. Sometimes, you got flooded out! I remember one night leaving Wayne in the car, flooded out, and hiking to Ernie's house. He came out in the rain -- pushed our car to a safe place and got us home. Not in a normal pastor's job description.

I don't remember whether his preaching was good or not. I certainly don't know whether he was a good administrator or not. Counseling skills? I don't know. I do know that he was a man who cared for a couple of teenage boys without fathers that got into jams and didn't know what to do. I thought then that this was the kind of man I wanted to be when I grew up.When I became a pastor, I remembered Ernie Hasselblad, and said to myself that this was the kind of pastor I want to be. I still want to be that kind of man. 

When the Music Fades

Things were going so well for me in many ways back in the late 1950s. I have been writing about music and I still have one more story. It started in late 1958 or early 1959. I was a senior at UCLA but was home in order to sing at a special banquet for the youth at FBC Bellflower. The guest speaker was an evangelist, Ken Poure. Some of you may have experienced a week at Hume Lake -- Ken for many years was the director of that conference -- but that was far in the future. Ken brought his music man, George, with him. After I sang, Ken and George said that they would like me to be a part of a group that they were forming. That sounded good to me.

The group was called the Accenters. There were eight of us, four women and four men. Most were students at Biola. At this time, Biola had no campus and met at "The Church of the Open Door" in downtown LA. The group was to be available to sing at Ken's evangelistic campaigns (as a group, small sub-groups, or soloists.) Ken was also starting a half-hour radio show, Accent on Youth, and we were to be the music for this show. George was a little more ambitious, so we also became involved with Youth for Christ which was very active throughout the Southern California area at that time. We mostly sang on Saturdays in Orange County, but we also performed in LA and San Diego. We became a regular group, doing our own music as well as providing back up for visiting musicians. In addition to the Youth for Christ circuit, we performed at churches, festivals and competitions. This was a real neat experience, the group was good! But underneath I was falling apart.

I never lost my faith. I don't ever remember doubting Jesus. I loved him, but somehow he didn't seem real or relevant to my life. I was desperate to fit in with whatever group I was with. If I was with the church crowd, I was religious, with the drunks, I was drunk. One of the funny things was that people saw me as a leader -- but all I saw was this attempt to make people like me. It was at this point that I became so hypocritical and really jaundiced with the music scene -- I could be drunk on Friday and then appear at Youth for Christ on Saturday and proclaim the power of the Lord in my life! I was a fake. I might also say the I was disappointed in much of the Christian Music crowd. We were with a lot of "names" at the time. There were two types; Wonderful Christian people who really loved the Lord and lived it -- and those who couldn't make it in the "real" music world and began to sing Christian music. I guess at this time I was in the second group. I will also add that I had recently been unceremoniously dumped by a girl that I really loved. I was a mess.

Then came the icing on the cake. George, the leader, was an older man (probably 30, but remember I was only in my early 20s) and was married with 5 children. In early 1960, his wife became pregnant and George got a roving eye. Our piano player was a very cute, very talented 17 year old. George liked her but there was no way that he could date her. Well, even though I was much older than her, her parents thought that the sun rose and set in me. So I began to date her -- or so they thought. I was just picking her up for George. This went on for a couple of months and then I got a call from the Lynwood, CA police department. They wanted me to come and talk with them. It was there that I had a very strained meeting with her parents (who no longer thought that the sun rose and set in me). I spent a lovely evening being grilled by the police who were trying to pin a statutory rape charge on George. I was devastated. What had I done? This isn't the kind of person I am! It was after this that I had to face Ken Poure -- he was so disappointed in me. But the hardest person at all for me to face was myself. My mother never knew this. I don't think that any of the people at the church did either, but the fun of music was gone.

I didn't leave for the Navy until October of 1960. I continued to be involved with the young people at FBC. I also continued to sing, but my heart wasn't in it. Then when I entered the military, the song came to an end. I didn't sing again until 1967 when I came to FBC Chula Vista. As for my violin. . . The music was over. I no longer had a song to sing. I was rapidly entering the Belly of the Whale. 

More on Music as a Source of both Spiritual and Social Development in my Life

I expect this to be the first of two posts about music in my life before returning to a discussion of my spiritual development at FBC Bellflower. My continued growth in music continues both at Bellflower and at UCLA and they are really intertwined. A key to this whole issue was the hiring of a new Choir Director at the church. His name was Ralph Freese (sp). He was not the youth choir director, he was the Adult Choir Director. He was also a voice teacher. My mom and I thought that it would be good to start voice lessons from him. I am not sure whether this was in my senior year at Bellflower High School or my freshman year at UCLA. I could continue lessons because I didn't live on campus my freshman year, but commuted.

Mr. Freese started me doing some serious singing. When I say serious, I just mean that I was learning to sing correctly and use my voice effectively. Was it all opera? No, although I did some opera. I sang serious church songs, Broadway, German Lieder and some pop songs. Basically, I just learned to sing. I loved it! He also helped me at UCLA. In my freshman year I was lost. UCLA was so large! I don't think I would have made it if it hadn't been for my friend John -- he was not shy and there were no strangers to him. I was a tag-along. That year we commuted and I was still very involved at the church -- weekends and even some evenings. But, I was really lost when we moved up to school in my sophomore year. I wanted to do some music. I went to the auditions for the A Capella Choir but quickly backed out after watching someone else audition. The director was Roger Wagner (who was also director of a rather famous group at the time -- the Roger Wagner Chorale). He started yelling at the person auditioning because they missed a b flat while sight reading a musical score. I said to myself, "I can't do that. Let's get out of here." I did.

In my sophomore year, I did become a member of the Men's Glee Club. This was a lot of fun. Our big event was when we were a part of the program for the Sport's Illustrated Athlete of the Year Presentation. Rafer Johnson, who was President of the UCLA student body was the athlete. He won the decathlon at the Olympics that year. I remember that Danny Thomas was the Master of Ceremonies. Those of us in the Glee Club got to mix in with the celebrities -- really neat. Most were athletes, but some were also movie stars. I was quite taken with Esther Williams (you have to be real old to remember her -- beautiful -- a swimmer -- and a star.) That was the first time that I ever ate Filet Mignon. This was a big event (for me.) This was my only musical involvement until my Junior year.

Then, in my Junior year, I received an invitation to attend a "rush" party for some fraternity (Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia) at a home in Beverly Hills. I had no idea what this was, but it sounded good, so I borrowed the MG from one of my room mates and went to the party. To make a long story short, I was asked to pledge the fraternity and later that year became a full member. It was a professional, music honorary fraternity. I looked it up on Wikipedia a few minutes ago, lots of famous people were and are members -- I began to wonder how I had been picked for this group -- all of the others in my chapter were music majors! Then I remembered Mr. Freese -- he was a friend of the academic sponsor of the group.

Membership in the fraternity opened many doors for using and developing my music even though I was a premed rather that music major. I sang in a number of groups, played in string quartets -- and performed in many venues. One of the neatest events was the UCLA Spring Sing that year. This was an event for fraternity's, sorority's and other clubs to put together a musical performance as a competition. We held the event at the Hollywood Bowl. That year we one the sweepstakes award as the best group in the competition. We performed along with our sister sorority, Mu Phi Epsilon (for any Chula Vista people, Becky Schoultz was a Mu Phi Epsilon.)

One other thing that helped me in my music was that I became a Wedding Singer. FBC Bellflower was THE church for weddings at that time. My mom was the wedding coordinator. She would always ask who they had to sing. If they had no one, she would give them my name. At first, I was always unsure of myself when asked, "How much do you charge?" Mom said if I sold myself too cheaply that no one would want me. I finally began to feel comfortable asking for $50. Guess what, the word got around and I began to get invited to sing at other venues also. By the way, $50 was the tuition for a semester at UCLA (and included football tickets -- even the Rose Bowl), gas was $0.18-0.21 per gallon and as a union worker at the Ford Automotive Assembly Plant (in the summer), I made $2.10 an hour. What I am saying is the $50 was a goodly sum of money in those days. But, this is how I earned a significant part of my money for school.

Everything about music seemed so positive. Certainly there was no movement toward the Belly of the Whale in this. This saved me and gave me a social life outside of the Bellflower church. But, in my next post, my activity in music starts me on the long slide into the abyss -- the Belly of the Whale.

Music as a Major Part of my High School years at FBC Bellflower

The picture is of Jester Hairston who intersected my life as described below.

Throughout my teen years, the church was the center of my life; social, emotional and spiritual. But, the center of the life at the church was music; singing. I mentioned in an earlier post that we had moved around a lot. I was quite shy. The abandonment by my father left me with very little confidence. It was my success in music that provided the confidence and social contacts that made high school a good experience for me. Once I started back to the Lord -- moving out of the Belly of the Whale -- that music again came to my rescue and gave me a place to start serving the Lord.

Sometime in my Sophomore year, a group began to gather on Saturday mornings to sing, with a view to performing in church. There weren't more than five or six who came. I don't know whether some of us decided to do this or that it was an "official" meeting. I do remember the piano player; Anita (Tex) -- a pretty blond girl who had a beautiful voice -- and played the piano. She and I gravitated toward one another and began to sing together. I was pretty shy and she seemed to like me. I really don't know how it happened, but she became my girl friend off and on during my high school years -- but that is another story. I think that the only real time that some of us from the group sang together was on a Sunday Night (an informal, youth oriented service) We formed a trio; Anita, Frankie (if you read this Frankie -- was it you or Barbara -- or do you remember this at all?) and me. It didn't go particularly well. As I remember it, we got kind of tickled in the middle of the song and couldn't stop laughing. This was not an auspicious start. It did get me involved in more singing however because the Adult Choir director heard me and invited me to become a part of the Adult Choir. I really enjoyed this because we actually rehearsed and sang in four or more parts. This was really the start of my singing "career." The director began to ask me to sing solos when they came up. I was (and still am) a baritone, bass who really wanted to be a tenor.

At some point around my Junior year Stan Owens began a Youth Choir. I believe that he had just returned from the service -- he was a Korean War vet. His parents were already part of the church -- and I think that Stan had grown up in the church. He was a talent somewhat like my friend Kevin Cope (no, he wasn't a virtuoso pianist)  who had perfect pitch and could hear all of the chords as they should be in his head. He was also really anointed in working with the kids. Now, I should mention that during this time, FBC Bellflower became THE CHURCH for high school kids in the town. We had a large youth group, around 50-75 young people depending on times and seasons. There were approximately 50 in the choir. We had bright red choir robes with a white stole. We sang contemporary music (contemporary in the early 50's). We liked to sing some of the contemporary arrangements of Negro Spirituals. One of the leading black composers of the day who made some of these arrangements was Jester Hairston. He actually came to the church a couple of times and directed us in as we sang his arrangements -- we also learned to clap in rhythm. We also learned to sway -- but I was not very good at it.  I just finished reading Jester Hairston's  bio in Wikipedia -- I am greatly impressed that he actually came to our church and directed our Youth Choir -- I was impressed at the time, but I didn't realize the whole story.

Then there was our quartet! Stan started a quartet and chose Jerry Babylon (Bass), Henry (Sonny) Sellers (Baritone) and me (2nd Tenor -- Lead). Stan sang the first tenor part. Actually we were quite good. We sang mainly Barbershop arrangements and Gospel Quartet. I was the only high school person. Jerry and Sonny were attending California Baptist College (associated with Cal Baptist Seminary.) We had already been singing at several neighboring churches when were invited to go along with some of the informational and fund raising events with Cal Baptist Officials. This led to our selection to be the Cal Baptist Quartet. I attended a number of classes out there while still in HS -- we were preparing for the next event. The officials wanted me to attend the school, but I had my heart set on UCLA (good choice.) We also sang a few times on local TV. This was heady stuff for me, but looking back, we were really small town singers. Yet, it was kind of neat to come into Biology Class and have the teacher say that they saw me on TV last night. We broke up when I started UCLA and Jerry transferred to the Redlands University.

There was a lot more about my life at First Baptist during my high school years, but music played a defining role in who I was and set the stage for my return to the Lord in the 70's.